Diamonds in the Rough: Honoring the Giants in Your Life

Graduation Day for Naomi

The ache of losing those we cherish is a universal experience that touches us all at some point or another. It leaves a permanent mark on our hearts and (sometimes) an unfillable space in our lives. Among the most heart-wrenching losses are those of the extraordinary figures who play pivotal roles in our lives—the ones who shape our very identities. With the passing of my mother, older brother, and big mama, I am thinking about the people who shape us all. Or, in my case, the phenomenal individuals who have helped make me who I am. Amidst the overwhelming highs and lows of grief, I ponder: how do we summon the inner strength necessary to forge ahead, to honor the memories of those we've lost while still embracing life?

Grace and the Grieving Process 

This question is not just about grief but about giving yourself the grace, time, and care necessary to muster what is already inside you. And before you ask, yes, the ongoing struggle of grief can amplify feelings of sadness. Sadness is a normal and necessary part of grief. But remember that we are human and deserve to experience all the feelings on the emotional spectrum that define our lives. Whether your loss was recent or years have passed, we all share in the journey towards reclaiming normalcy after loss. For me, the grieving process for the loss of my mother continues. She was a force, and her enduring legacy lives on through me. My memories with her often make me smile at their reflection, while the lessons she taught me continue to be my most incredible educational experience to date.

A Season of Reflection

I have been enjoying a great deal of reflection lately. As the seasons transition from Spring to Summer, I am reevaluating my life for the first time ever. For the past few months, my articles have focused on the search for balance, finding new ways to connect to my community, and facing rejection, all of which are byproducts of my revisiting process. Thinking of those who shaped me is a continuation of this process triggered by the beginning of an exciting new chapter in my life. This month, I accomplished what so few do in their lifetime: I completed my Ph.D degree. 

Grief and Groundbreaking Milestones

What does this have to do with grief? When you come from a background similar to mine, you don't often come across many individuals with Dr. in front of their names. And if you did encounter them, it was unheard of for them to be familiar with the experience of teenage motherhood, former high-school dropouts, married women, mothers of any status, or any of the numerous identities I have possessed in my young life. This did not matter to my mother; she was one of one. Well, even if it did, I would never have known. My mother was kind; she encouraged me to go to college and pushed me to take a chance on my life by taking a chance on myself. She taught me that regardless of your life situation, it can always change if you decide to take control of it.  

Top: Naomi’s mother, Bottom left: Naomi’s Big Mama and Bottom Right: Naomi’s brother, Tracy.

The Power of Love and Legacy: Honoring the Giants in Your Life

Taking control of your life, pursuing your passions, and loving on your family while trying to build a career for yourself are all no small feats. Oftentimes, these can feel like goals that are counterproductive to one another. After some reflection and writing these past months, I can see that all I am would not have been possible without the individuals who shaped me. Honoring the giants who shaped us means recognizing the love, lessons, and sacrifices they poured into our lives. Care, compassion, patience, and laughter are not how most people would characterize their Texas upbringing. But for me, they have been staples throughout my life—all of those features and, of course, the consideration of a loving mother. Love is the glue that holds us all together. Whether they are friendships, relationships, or families, we are social creatures, and we all need love to thrive. Therefore, because of loss, our grieving processes often reflect on the fond memories of our loved ones, conjuring feelings from all places on the emotional spectrum. Thus, life has me contemplating the love, people, and accomplishments I have experienced, concluding that I owe an outstanding debt to my loving community, old and new.

Community as a Healing Force

Much like my upbringing, a common theme of my life surrounds the significance of community. Whether they are my family, friends, school, church, or an organization, my created communities allowed me to connect. They reminded me that I was not alone. Our communities are especially critical when we are processing grief. Of course, numerous professional resources can help our military community deal with grief. Still, it is also nice to have our created communities and share in an experience that unites us all, processing loss. 

A Legacy of Empowerment

As you all move forward, please remember my mother's words, "Don't let life live you; you have to live life." You have a life to live that only you can. You are a gift, one that is sometimes polished through painful experiences. Life is a gift, especially if you can use it to help somebody. I promised long ago that if I could make a way for myself, I would use my accomplishments to uplift others, and I intend to fulfill that promise each day. Go forth to try to help someone and build a legacy that your giants, yourself, and your loved ones can be proud of.