Diamonds in the Rough: Bittersweet Goodbyes and Beautiful Beginnings
- Naomi Nubin-Sellers, PhD
- Sep 9
- 7 min read
The Emotional Reality of Bittersweet Goodbyes
Goodbyes often bring mixed emotions for most people, especially in military life, where they come often and without pause. While they can feel sad, they can also signal a growth in your career, family, or a new opportunity. In any instance, military life means that farewells are at the core of the profession. For me, every farewell is both a loss and a beginning, a moment to reflect not just on what’s ending, but on the strength of the community that made it so hard to leave.
Learning the True Value of Community
I typically encourage people not to be sad when we separate, but rather to be grateful for the time we spent together. My perspective on goodbyes is a unique one, one that stems from my upbringing. My mother had many layers, one of which I am sure is responsible for my view on goodbyes. Ever since I was young, she would consistently remind me how “funny” we all are as people. After years of staying at home, she got a job as a pawnbroker. She would often tell me that she deals in valuables, a concept that can mean different things to different people. At the time, I thought she meant jewelry and trinkets, but I’ve since come to understand her deeper meaning.
Finding Strength in Created Community: A Life Lesson Reinforced in Korea
However, as I grew, I started to understand that the true value is often not in things, but in the people you call family - those who make up your created community. Moving to Korea reinforced this lesson, highlighting the centrality of finding community wherever you are in the world. Unfortunately, finding the community you didn't know you needed can make for a bittersweet goodbye, one filled with both gratitude and sadness.
Military life has taught me that some of the deepest growth comes from the most bittersweet goodbyes, those quiet moments when you realize how much a place and its people have come to mean to you.
Finding Belonging Through the Humphreys Hoops Club
An Unexpected Community Hero
For me, the Humphreys Hoops Club (HHC) has been a major part of my created community. HHC has always reminded me of a good book, one with the classic plot of the underdog striving to be the best. Like a good book, the growth of HHC has been marked by exciting new developments, growth, and a fantastic community of people united by a common goal.
The Power of Storytelling in the Transitions of Life
Much like the community I have built with HHC, a diverse collection of stories has helped to shape me. I have loved to read and write since I learned I could, devouring all the stories I could get my hands on. Adventures of faraway lands, action-packed tales of unlikely heroes, poems about love and loss, seemingly far-fetched stories of individuals who were forced to muster unimaginable strength, and everything else in between. These tales taught me everything I needed to know, as they helped me put the lessons my mother taught me into perspective. For a young girl who would eventually face impossible odds in her own life, these stories saved me. They helped to raise me, taught me resilience, and eventually proved to me that an essential part of life is finding your most natural voice and surrounding yourself with people willing to listen to it.
Diamonds in the Rough: Reflecting on Life, Love, and Community
By this philosophy, this very column, Diamonds in the Rough, was my saving grace. In my previous columns, I highlighted the ways love, laughter, and community shape us in extraordinary ways. I emphasized how shifting our perspectives can save us from the inevitable countervailing pressures of life. I underscored that by embracing a gratuitous spirit, we can all make our lives more enjoyable by welcoming the challenges and learning from our failures.
These themes reflect my approach to life and living. They represent the direction I provide to my children and the advice I share with my most intimate relationships when they ask for it. But writing this column has also taught me a great deal. It provided me the space to process my feelings as new challenges unfolded in my life. It provided me with the platform to share the tiny fascinations of life. And most importantly, it became a venue to share my unique life journey. One that has been rife with impediments, perseverance, toil, persistence, wonder, beauty, love, and, most importantly, appreciation for my created community.
Balancing the Dual Role of Sharing and Processing
The contribution of this column has always been two-sided, a delicate balance between deciding whether to proffer or process. Sharing advice on things I have experienced or questioning something I currently find myself struggling with. The very first column of Diamonds in the Rough was all about work-life balance. I wrote of a fictitious woman who had sacrificed everything for her family. In the shadow of her reflection, I saw myself. Another version of me that feared my unchecked ambitions, dreams, and goals.
I wondered if, were I in that situation, would I become bitter because I was forced to shrink myself, sidelining my passions, all to live an incomplete life. “Not unhappy, just incomplete.” I suggested that women (career-focused women with families) be intentional about their passions, talents, and unique skills. I attested that we do not need to demonize ambitions for the sake of family. But instead, the goal is to confront our shortcomings so we can all live more complete lives. Postulating that this delicate life dance requires a combined effort of prioritizing, ensuring that the things you hold dear in your life are considered (family and passion), as well as being satisfied with the trade-offs we are destined to make.
The Juggle-Struggle: Rejecting One-Size-Fits-All Advice
The first of my articles referenced above highlighted a through line for me: the idea that “one-size-fits-all.” This misconception that everyone must follow a set of practices, regardless of their priorities, family commitments, community arrangements, ambitions, and personality types just never sat right with me. When I spoke to other women in similar family arrangements, I observed three main trajectories: one characterized by complete ambition, another where they felt constricted and shrunken, and a third marked by complete and utter chaos. I knew I wanted neither, but to be present for my loved ones and also be free to pursue my passions and dreams.
Honoring the Giants Who Shape Our Journey
In supplemental columns, like Diamonds in the Rough: Honoring the Giants in Your Life, I praise those who helped mold me into the individual I am becoming. My giants, my loved ones who have passed on, those who my legacy represents. Without them, my dreams would be nothing more than just that, dreams. They taught me that it is not up to anyone else to decide your fate; we all have to decide for ourselves. So, I decided that my only path to living was to do whatever I want. And I continue to encourage you all to do the same!
Saying Goodbye to Korea: New Beginnings
Finally, I encourage you to embrace your created communities, those beautiful, chosen connections that shape your journey in unexpected ways. For me, that means highlighting the Humphreys Hoops Club, a wonderful organization that has wholeheartedly embraced my family. This goodbye is truly sweet and sour; we will miss the life and the wonderful community we have built here.
But with every goodbye comes a new beginning. We are looking excitedly towards the future as we head east to the Ivy League.
Final Reflections: Embracing Change and Looking for Life’s Diamonds in the Rough
As always, I encourage you all to stay positive and always look out for life’s “Diamonds in the Rough”. You can do it! Take control of your life, fight for the life you want, stand on your choices with your chest held high, have fun, and laugh - even in the face of failure.
And finally, thank you all for allowing me to share my perspective. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Take care, until next time.
More from Diamonds in the Rough
If this reflection resonated with you, I invite you to explore more of my journey through previous Diamonds in the Rough columns. Each piece offers a glimpse into the lessons, challenges, and quiet triumphs that shape our lives—especially in the ever-evolving world of military life.
Falling in Love with Rejection: Learning how rejection can redirect us toward our true path.
Finding the Sunflower in You: A reminder to seek the light, even when life feels dark.
Honoring the Giants in Your Life: A tribute to the people whose strength and legacy guide us.
Lessons from the Wisdom of Dandelions: Embracing resilience in unexpected places.
The Untold Story of a Prodigal Daughter: A personal journey of healing, return, and grace.
Finding Our Power After the Holidays: Regaining strength and direction in the quiet aftermath of the holiday season.
The Fallacy of Work-Life Balance: Challenging the myth of balance and redefining fulfillment on your own terms.
Each story is a small reminder that no matter how scattered or uncertain life may feel, there’s beauty to be found—if we’re willing to look for it.
Helpful Resources for Military Life Transitions and Community Building
If you're navigating your own season of goodbyes, new beginnings, or simply trying to stay grounded in the ever-changing rhythm of military life, you are not alone. Below are a few trusted resources that offer guidance, encouragement, and support for military families and spouses:
InDependent – Wellness for Military Spouses: A space created by and for military spouses, focused on wellness, community, and sustainable self-care practices.
Military Mom Collective – The Goodbyes and the See You Laters: A heartfelt perspective on the emotional side of saying goodbye, and how to hold space for both grief and growth.
Military Spouse Advocacy Network – The Long Goodbye: A touching and insightful piece on the drawn-out nature of military farewells and the emotional preparation they require.
Building Lasting Friendships Through Shared Adventures: A United on the RoK feature exploring how military-connected individuals foster deep and lasting friendships across continents and deployments.
Whether you're preparing to leave, just settling in, or somewhere in between, these tools and stories can help you stay grounded, connected, and empowered along the way.
We will miss you here in Korea Naomi!