Diamonds in the Rough: Work-Life Balance for Military Spouses: Embracing the Chaos and Finding Purpose

What Does Work-Life Balance Really Mean for Military Women?

What does it mean to have balance? Work-life balance for military spouses moves beyond pure equilibrium and stability and becomes more complex when discussing the balance between work and life. As military-affiliated women, we all face unique challenges that often require compromise. As a military spouse, mother of four, instructor, and PhD candidate, I have faced these challenges head-on. What I have discovered is that to find the coveted balance, we must embrace the challenges instead of pushing back against them.

You may wonder how you embrace something that seems to work in opposition to the life you want. Women at all ends of the work-life spectrum often make sacrifices that others don't have to consider. These processes can feel amplified for women in the military, both spouses and active duty female soldiers. 

The Emotional Toll of Juggling Family and Career

How can we dream of balance when the cards we are dealt frequently feel like the deck is stacked against us? Here is the truth. There is no real balance between professional women and budding families. I know what you've heard, but hear me out. We are often spoon-fed a steady regimen of catchy blogs and articles with titles like "10 Things to Promote Work-life Balance" and "How to Have a Family and a Successful Career" - often marketed to young and middle-aged women struggling to find equilibrium. The truth is when you are career-building and raising a family, there will be times that you will have to make trade-offs, and anyone who tells you that sacrifices (one way or another) won't have to be made isn't necessarily sincere. This is not to say that it won't be worthwhile.

Indeed, as my mother (or anyone who has lived long enough) would say, "Anything worth having is worth the trouble in the end." But, while you're in the rough of it, life can sometimes feel overwhelming. And yes, those of you who say, "I have it all and am doing just fine" -kudos! Really, congratulations. Be sure to write a book and spread the good news. This piece is for those who recognize that our shortcomings sometimes reflect the immense pressure, struggles of time management, and (occasionally unreasonable) societal expectations of family and work that women face. So this is not for or about everybody. But for those who resonate with these words, please know you are seen and not alone.

Why Women’s Ambitions Still Matter

One's quest for balance will differ depending on your unique responsibilities, family needs, and future goals. Because yes, wives and moms sometimes have goals and dreams, too. Beyond our husbands, children, friends, families, and colleagues. These aspirations may be crystal clear in our minds, drive our lives, or remain in their infant stage while we are soul searching. Either way, prioritizing our wants is often a trade-off for the needs of others; finding the happy medium is balanced.

Why do these goals matter? Why do our goals and the aspirations of wives and/or mothers matter? Well, we all know a woman who has sacrificed everything. Renouncing her own ambitions, dreams, or goals. Maybe she became bitter, and maybe not, but at the least, she may have lived a life incomplete. Not unhappy, just incomplete. Prioritizing our purpose can provide a pivotal outlet to tap into our passions, talents, and unique skills. As women, we need not demonize ambition for the sake of family. The goal is to confront our shortcomings so we can all live more complete lives. 

Finding a sustainable work-life balance as a military spouse isn’t about perfection—it’s about prioritization, adaptability, and support.

Building a Support System as a Military Spouse

In fact, be sure to depend on your community, support system, and, of course, your new bestie (me!) to help you as you confront these new aspects of your life. As military-affiliated women, our support system and communities may look much different than others. We typically move often, usually away from our families and friends. Creating new communities wherever life takes us.

We are like sunflowers, taking root and growing wherever we are planted. We are often resourceful because we have to be. I encourage you all to lean on your created communities, and you may be surprised by the commonalities we have between us. All of us should be leaning on each other; after all, many of us have similar experiences and can learn and share a great deal. So get out there and make some new friends!

Using Priority Ranking to Reclaim Time and Sanity

The mounting pressures that can manifest on the path to balance may seem dark, and at times, they may be. Yet, the light of sharing your burdens and insecurities and pursuing your ambitions comes from embracing our families through the equalizing force of priority ranking. As the holidays quickly approach, many of you may contemplate how to squeeze in fun family activities while balancing a busy work schedule. Priority ranking can help us uncover equilibrium by stripping away the anxiety from determining how to carve out additional space in our lives for what we want to do vs. what we have to do. When ranking your priorities, you identify your obligations and desires and communicate them to your community and support systems. For example, you only have a few hours to spare on Saturday because of a critical deadline during the week.

Take your family to the Baramsae Pink Muhly Festival, only 15 minutes from Camp Humphreys, and spend the afternoon taking family photos. A unique opportunity to connect with your family for an experience they will never forget. If you’re not at Camp Humphreys, find a fun festival or park near you! Ultimately, the connections to the people you love and the memories you create with them will far outlast any work deadline or meeting. With this perspective, we are not minimizing the importance of work responsibilities; we all just have to be satisfied with the choices we make in our own lives. 

Create Meaningful Family Memories—Even on a Tight Schedule

Besides, this can be a very exciting time to try new, unique experiences while living in Korea. For others, it may be a source of sadness as we send messages, cards, and gifts stateside to those we hold dear. But for all of us, these feelings can also turn into a lifetime of special memories for our families by carving some time for family fun.

Even with the tightest schedules, we can be surprised how prioritizing family bonding time allows us to connect with those we hold dear in our lives. 

The Real Secret to Work-Life Balance for Military Spouses

Depleting ourselves for everyone else's needs and depriving ourselves of our personal goals are two extremes with the same result. Neither represents a healthy lifestyle or seems helpful toward the goal of balance. Thus, we find that the key to balance is not the short-cut articles bolstering work-life balance but each of us doing the hard work of finding the happy medium in our lives.

This happy medium includes a unique approach based on our families, careers, lifestyles, and overall commitments. Although the task may seem daunting, we should consider it an investment in ourselves. More specifically, it is an investment to help us lead happier, healthier, more comfortable lives. Happy searching!

More from the Diamonds in the Rough Series

If this piece resonated with you, you may find strength, inspiration, and connection in other stories from the Diamonds in the Rough series. Each article offers a unique perspective on growth, resilience, and rediscovery within military life.

• Falling in Love with Rejection – Discover how rejection can become a powerful force for redirection and personal evolution.

• Finding the Sunflower in You – A heartfelt look at blooming where you're planted, even in unfamiliar soil.

• Honoring the Giants in Your Life – A tribute to the mentors and loved ones who shape us.

• Lessons from the Wisdom of Dandelions – What we can learn from resilience, adaptability, and unexpected beauty.

• The Untold Story of a Prodigal Daughter – A powerful narrative of return, reconciliation, and rediscovery.

• Finding Our Power After the Holidays – Reclaiming strength, identity, and purpose in the post-holiday reflection season.

Each story is a reminder: you are not alone on this journey.

Additional Resources on Work-Life Balance for Military Spouses

If you're looking for more insights, support, or practical advice on navigating the challenges of work-life balance as a military spouse, these trusted resources offer helpful guidance and perspectives:

• Finding Work-Life Balance as a Military Spouse – Armed Services YMCAExplore practical tips for managing your mental, emotional, and physical health while balancing the demands of military family life.

• Working Mom, Military Spouse: Finding the Balance – Military Spouse MagazineThis relatable article dives into the realities of being a working mom in a military household and how to navigate expectations and identity.

• Military Spouse Life Guide – Military OneSource**A comprehensive guide offering support on everything from career development and relocation to wellness and self-care, tailored for military spouses.

  
  

These external links complement the themes explored in this article and serve as helpful next steps for anyone looking to explore this topic further.